Struggling but Better?

Hey lovelies.

The world is well pretty much crap right now and its been more difficult than usual to be online.

Just before this whole pandemic started, I was just about coping with work. But the Pondathon had put me in such a good headspace! I was finally feeling ready to get back into blogging and instagram and the whole thing, and then... well you know.

When this thing started off, I was feeling pretty okay, being cautious and taking all the precautions that I could. But then one of the days I got on one of the social media platforms, I honestly cannot remember which one, I got on just to distract myself and not get more anxious and my feed was FILLED with all these insane things. The worst, the absolute worst was the Challenge Video. Lovely, I can remember my stomach just dropping. Pandemic or not the challenge was NOT OKAY. It made me feel sick and no matter how many cute dog photos I saw or how many Disney movies I watched, I couldn't get it out of my head. It made me anxious to use bathrooms when I went to the office. It and other cruel things that I would see would randomly pop into my head and my brain would just shut off. I noticed this when I was in a discussion going through a document, and noticed that we had moved a couple paragraphs ahead without me even remembering reading or listening it. I hadn't fainted, I was still looking at the screen but it was like my brain had checked out. That was when I decided that it wasn't worth it. A few minutes of distraction was not worth my brain just going BRB Rebooting!

So I stopped looking at all of it - Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, even Google to some extent.
I turned on notifications for a few feel good accounts (Thoughts of Dog HIGHLY RECOMMEND)
Only viewed stories of a couple people I absolutely loved
Opened multiple tabs on my phone's browser for sites I visited regularly to limit seeing those suggested articles
Changed preferences
And
I
Did
Not
Scroll

Then there was the whole lockdown and that brought on a whole another thing. Suddenly, people were working from home. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to do so and I'm so, so grateful; but at the same time dealing with people who don't usually work from home was a huge pain. People were expecting just because they were home I would work all day every day even on days off. I had calls after 7 when I was running errands, out for groceries or some other essential thing, ask me - Oh are you roaming about?

Why yes Karen, I'm at Disneyland having the time of my life. I'm trying to keep my family safe by limiting when one has to go out, dealing with this constant anxiety about this shitstorm that we are in, stressed to the point where my hair is falling out, but yes I'm roaming about like nothing is wrong in this world. New people who are now working from home, please for the love of all that is good - respect the other person's time!

Lovely, I for the first time since college had to turn on Do Not Disturb feature on my phone. And on my day off I turned it on again for the whole day. Honestly that helped so much!

There was another side to this whole thing, my friends situation. I haven't really had the best luck with friendships, but since my birthday its felt especially worse. And now when most people aren't really doing much socializing, there isn't really an excuse to why someone won't reach out or text back or just call and check in you know? That makes me feel something awful. I know it is the most stupid thing, but my brain just gets stuck on the one little negative thing and keeps harping on it. I just want kindness and reciprocity. I do so much for everyone but there's rarely anything coming back my way. And now I've realised that I don't do much at all now. That is where I'm at. I respond when someone asks me a question, I cannot even bring myself to text someone anymore. My first thought comes as - What's the point? I know I need to work on that but I'm just so tired. My brain needs rest, my heart needs love and I just want... something more. I wan't to feel less of this brokenness that I find myself feeling.

Wow that was a lot, I have half a mind to delete all this mush because my brain is telling me no one cares, no one wants to read all this crap. A lot of negativity but I am trying to push past.

If by some luck you've made it this far in my word vomit of a post, here's some positives that have helped me to feel that I can sort of semi function again.

I'm listening to the audiobooks for The Raven Cycle Series. I love this series so much #Ravenous. I cannot tell you what an incredible source of comfort this has been for me. Work had been stressing me out, so I started listening to the audiobooks while I was working and slowly but surely the Stiefvater magic worked and I'm feeling a lot better. My brain is too tired to read non-fiction right now but I can see some hope. I'll get there.

I'm binge watching old favourites, TV Shows, Movies - ALL OF IT!

I'm trying watercolour? Trying being the operative word here. I don't quite get the hang of it yet, but its been fun to try.

I'm doodling when I feel anxious and that has been very helpful.

I'm still not checking social media all that much except for YouTube. YouTube has brought me so much joy.

Video calls with my niece, that has been the thing that has kept me going.

And now having written this makes me feel a bit better.

Oof! That was a lot. This is probably the longest post on my blog. Yikes.

I hope you all are staying safe, social distancing and washing your dam hands! I hope your mind isn't being too hard on you.

Video call your friends and family. Check in on your extrovert friends they are probably going crazy. Let me know if any of this helps? Do you want some more coping strategies? How are you doing? Let's talk soon ♥ Stay Home, Stay Safe. 

Update?

Hey lovelies! Hope you all have been doing well.

Somehow my break always gets extended. It's been just one thing after another and cutting out blogging and social media was the one thing I could do to help my anxiety and lessen my load.

We recently moved into a new place and that's been a whole thing in itself. Then there's the work related stress. My mental and physical health haven't been the greatest since December 2018 I think. And I just keep thinking it will get better. I'll get back into the swing of things eventually. But.I.Don't. (More on this later I hope)

I just keep putting things off. Prioritizing unpacking or just taking a break or just catching up on sleep. Even today I wouldn't have posted anything but I'm forcing myself to post this. (Posting from my phone and hopefully I'll edit it later 😋)

Speaking of doing things, I'm participating in the #24in48 Readathon again this weekend! Hopefully I'll finish 24 hours again this year as well. I've also slowly started getting back into learning languages as well. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it! Also art and music. Gods  I hadn't even realized that I had stopped enjoying those too. Sometimes we just get caught on a loop in our heads and it becomes difficult to break out and get back to where we actually want to be.

I figured, the only way I will end up actually posting here and getting back into the rhythm of things will be if I force myself. And the only way I'll get better is by keeping at it right? I'm trying to get ahead of my anxiety and my brain by making myself do these things. And I hope this pays off and I can get back to where I want to be. So here's hoping for a new start and hopefully getting back to things I love.

Thanks for reading through all this. Most of it sounds half baked I know but I'm going to try really hard to get better at this. Thank you to everyone that continues to stick around and for all the new people hope I can help in some way.

To new beginnings and such.
oxox
TJ

Update?

Lovelies, Happy New Year! (?) Is that still okay to say since this is technically my first post of 2019?

I haven't had the best start to this new year. As 2018 was ending I was pretty sick. Somedays I still feel like I haven't recovered yet. I've had some good days though, thank gods.

So far in 2019, I've been on auto-pilot, just working and running errands. I've managed to do some good things for my soul. And I've had some pretty great discussions with a friend and watched some TV Shows.

On the reading front, it has been a little slow. But I picked up TRC again so its been making me happy and eating into my sleeping time of course. On the creative side, its all been a little meh. All the projects have been a #fail (is that okay in a blog post? Well its up here anyway).

I think I need a little boost up to be honest. So I've signed up for the #24in48 Readathon again for January! Its from 26th to 27th Jan 2019. I am not sure if I'll have the time to finish this year, because I have some people over at my place. Not sure how I'll feel if I don't finish because I did finish last year. But I still want to do it, because I honestly had such a fun experience last time! And right after I caught up on my sleep, I had such a boost in my energy and creativity! I can't wait to see how this one goes! Any guesses as to how many hours I can clock in this time?

If anyone wants to join me or know more about the Readathon, you can check my blog post from last year HERE (I managed to add some pretty cool stats IMO) or the Official Website HERE.

See its already helping!! I've written a blog post. (YAY!)


I hope you all have had a much better start to 2019. I'll consider January my trial month and start 2019 again with February! ;)

Till later.

Life Update

Wow August has been stressful af!

It feels like its just one thing after another. I think I have been running around just doing things to help and not really taking all that much time to decompress and relax. Can't really say much about who/what I was helping with, not my story to tell. Regardless it sucks.

What I did for my Mental Health during Mental Health Month

So hello again.

May is/was Mental Health Month and I quite enjoyed taking the time off this month. I think taking these breaks is helping quite a bit.

April and May have been so good for my soul though you guys. I think I really took care of my mental health this month.

Here's what I've done that made me feel quite a bit more like myself than I've felt in months now I think:

Update

Hello Lovelies!
Hope you all have been doing well. So I've been off again. Life has just gotten a lot messier here. My gran hasn't been well so between hospital visits and now going to see her almost every other day, its been a little difficult to bring myself to post here.

Also there was an incident with a "friend" at least I thought it was a friend. I don't really want to get into it right now, it still makes me angry. All I want to say here is just think before you send out a message. I spent weeks fuming over the careless message, had it been sent to someone else the repercussions might have been a whole lot worse. I was just worried. I was worried that they might have sent similar messages to others. You never know what a single message might mean to someone. So a gentle and loving reminder lovelies to be kinder, and just think before you say anything. I might address this whole thing later in another post, but if you've been around for a while, you know I'm scatterbrained and might actually forget.

What else, what else?
I'm starting to post stuff on Instagram and am trying to comment more on people's posts and try to interact with people. So this is a tiny tiny step forward in the whole anxiety thing. If you'd like to follow and connect on there the handle is @_tj_94. I'm also on Pinterest I think my "username" is TCK94. (I'm terrible at this, can you tell?) I'm on a lot more on Pinterest than anywhere else. So follow me there if you'd like. I should really start adding links to socials at the end of the posts right? Ugh. I shall try to do that sometime starting this month.

Well that's all I have for now. Please remember that I'm here if  anyone needs to talk. I don't talk much but I'm a great listener. These days there are so many ways to connect with people you just have to reach out. I'm on almost all socials so shoot me a DM if you need someone to listen.

Take care lovelies!

Hello lovelies.

Its been a month since I've posted anything here. Things haven't been going that well for me personally and I just needed to take a step back.

I wanted to take a break from writing book reviews (or anything else for that matter) and I just read for the love of reading. There have been some really amazing books that I caught up with in this break. I won't lie to you, but there were weeks where I couldn't read a single word.

I did not feel like writing at all. I read sporadically. Worked on things that needed to be done and that was it. I think I went into autopilot for a bit and that was when I came to the conclusion that I just needed to take a break. I think there are times, especially in this day and age where we are so invested in the various social media platforms, when we just need to take a break from all of it or at least something to just give yourself some space. And that's what I ended up doing.

Hopefully October will change it all. I'll get back into the groove of things and well let's hope it gets better.

I have been looking forward to October there are two book releases that I'm REALLY looking forward to - The Hammer of Thor by Rick Riordan and Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven. So regardless, October will be slightly better.

Anyway. This has been a long, pointless rant. I'm going to go off now. Hopefully you all have been doing well. Hold on to the good things lovelies.

Till later,
oxox

Update

Hello lovelies!

I fully intended to sit down and write reviews today. But then just as I sat down to write my review over at Goodreads for The Raven King, I stumbled across a review with a couple fanart pictures. And well now its been over 3 hours I think, and I've been staring at these GORGEOUS pictures by an artist that goes by xla-hainex. UGH!!!

I'm dying! She's so immensely talented!!!! Her The Raven Cycle art is so unbelievably amazing. You guys NEED to go see it.

Here is the link again - http://xla-hainex.tumblr.com
Seriously just go see it.

I'm contemplating joining Tumblr just so that I can follow her art.

Also did you hear?!! MS might be doing a RONAN-CENTRED TRILOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All in all I think this has been a pretty good day... ♥

Side note - I really need to sit and write down reviews.

Update Again....

Hello lovelies.

I know you all must be so tired just reading these mindless updates. But I just am not feeling well. Last month was sucky. And I have almost given up on people. I just am not sure if I want to be a people person anymore. On top of that I had trouble getting online because the net kept going off due to the rains.

But I am making progress. I made headway with a couple editing jobs, and I even got to help with editing a book for my Mandarin Chinese class! Exciting stuff.. well nerdy, but you know "Yay!".

Anyway, I'm hoping to run full steam ahead with my reading. I have a review and a Featured Author post coming up this week! Then hopefully I'll get the ball rolling and it will go on.

On the social media side, I have joined Instagram and I'm considering if I should make my profile public? I'm not too sure about it. What do you all think?

Also I have sort of started with a Bullet Journal, so hopefully this will help keep me more organised.
More on this later.

Well hoping for the best this time around.
Till later!
oxox

PS: Stay safe everyone, I hope you all are doing well and your days are adding up, ♥

Update

Hello my lovelies!

I've been away for quite a bit now, unintentionally of course.

First there were those exams, then I got sick because of some allergy thing, and then I got a job offer. So yeah, its been busy.

Anyway, I was not really able to find the time to sit down and do much other than sleep. Honestly I think sleep has become the top priority in life right now.


But I think I'm sort of getting the hang of the whole schedule and I hope to be back posting regularly as I have wanted to do.



Anyway, what have you all been up to?


Till later beautiful people!
oxox


PS: I'll try to update the Reading Challenge up here by next week. 

Update

Hello my lovelies!

So its that time again... Final exams. I shall be off till Mid-May, so there probably will be little to no updates on FB or Twitter as well. I'll try to schedule some reviews before I leave though!

But exciting and amazing things to come post May! Whohoo! Let's hold on to that one for a bit.

I'm still considering making printables because that's something I really want to try out. So leave your suggestions in the comments and I will try to make it happen after the exams are done!

Wish me luck!

Till later!
oxox

Update....

Hello lovelies!

I just got my PC back today. It had to be formatted because of some nasty virus that ate away at the files that are necessary to boot the computer.

I have been reading a lot though.

So I'll probably sit and write up a bunch of reviews and have them scheduled to be posted here or something of that sort.

I recently went to a book fair and treated myself to a couple books. This year I want to read more paperbacks! There is nothing like the feel of a book in your hand and the "new-book smell" or just the smell of books in general.

There are some exciting projects in the horizon, if they do come to pass, it will be wonderful.

Also I haven't updated here about my Mandarin learning. Its going well. I've cleared my HSK Level 1 satisfactorily. I suck at the listening part of the test. I think I'd do better if there was someone actually speaking in front of me rather than an audio. Only time will tell. Level 2 classes are almost done. Lots of homework this time around though. And I mean LOTS!

Found an article by Book Riot featuring podcasts that book readers would love. (Check it out HERE)

Do you all listen to podcasts? I've kinda been avoiding it, maybe I should give these a go? Let me know in the comments below which are your favourite podcasts!


On a side note would you guys like to have some sort of free printables? I see so many cute ones up on Pinterest and I would honestly love to try my hand at making some of my own. Lemme know about that in the comments section as well.


Till later!
oxox

I've Been MIA.... Again..

Hello lovelies!

I haven't posted in so long!!! 2016 isn't off to a great blogging start, no?

Many apologies...

I've been so busy though!! And fun busy for the most part!

There was the internship where I got to do wonderful promotional graphics, interact with some pretty interesting people, handle so many different kinda jobs, and I was appreciated! You do not know how good that felt!

Then was my birthday, which did not suck, so that's a win. :P
Also the most weird and amazing thing happened. I somehow gained lots of likes suddenly on my FB page. I have no idea how, but thank you! I'll be posting more stuff there too now :D


In other news, 2016 is not off to a great reading start either.... But I have a feeling it will turn around soon. I've never been able to keep away from books for too long.

Last night I did not sleep at all and stayed up reading F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher. God! I loved it. I now want a Helena and I want a Kit and I want a Greer. And I want to be more like Helena. No inhibitions, being wonderfully weird. More on this book in a review soon. I promise. Next week max!

So  I guess its already turning around.

Also I'll update 2016 Reading Challenge soon!


I'll end with this. I just want to say that I appreciate each and everyone of you that takes the time to read my, mostly incoherent, ramblings and still sticks around for some more.

Also just a reminder, you are appreciated and you are not alone. Just putting this out there again, if anyone needs to talk or rant, I'm here.
Virtual hugs for everyone!
TJ

January Update

Lovelies, this week has been full of new things for me. I just started my internship this week, and it has been so rewarding! I'm just trying to catch up with everything. While there I met an author, which was AMAZING! After meeting him I'm now considering getting his books, even though they are non-fiction! *gasp*

I know, I know. Too much.

Speaking of books, I've been seriously dragging with my reading this time. January has not been good on the reading front for me. But I'm really enjoying Crane by Stacey Rourke. If any of you like Sleepy Hollow (book, movie, or the TV show), you might want to pick this one up!

I'm also a bit behind on my language studies.. I need to figure out a way to sit and study, like soon!

I know you all were probably expecting a Featured Author Post but I've just been really swamped this week! :(

Promise I'll make it up next week!

On a happier note, YAY for the TV shows being back!! I still have to catch up a bit though. :P Oh well. Let me know which shows you're enjoying this season? (Does that sound right?)

Take care! Stay busy!
oxox

Audiobook Woes

So, if you guys read my previous post, you know that I got my first ever audiobook for the 2015 Reading Challenge - The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury.

It did not go well you guys.

Here's the thing, I'm more of an auditory learner. I learn better when I'm listening to someone explain something. So naturally, audiobooks MUST bring me joy. It should have been my thing.

But no... This is what happened -

 I totally dozed off. Then I thought maybe it would be better if I heard the audiobook while I was travelling. I usually listen to music while travelling, so this should be the solution. I'll surely finish at least half the book.

Nope.

I totally fell asleep again.

Maybe it was the narrator. I think because his voice was so calm, it started to feel like a lullaby and I just dozed off. Lovelies, I don't think audiobooks are for me. Am I alone in this?

Maybe I should try another audiobook next year? With a different narrator? Any recommendations?

Let me know in the comments below!
oxox

Update

Hey lovelies...

Sorry for being MIA for the past couple weeks. My uncle and aunt are staying over so I haven't been able to get online as much as I'd like. But I've been reading quite a bit. Hopefully I'll have most of the reviews up next week.

I tried listening to the audio-book but I only got as far as the prologue before I fell asleep.

But that might be because I'm crashing from my recent bout of insomnia. I'll give it another go next month when I'm travelling for the exams.

Speaking of exams, mine start by the end of this month and go on till January! X_X

Again I doubt if I'll be able to finish the 2015 Reading Challenge.... :|

Till later lovelies!
oxox

Random Note

I finally added some of the books that I read over at Goodreads... still have a few to add though... :|
But as of now I'm at 99 books for 2015!

I got my first ever Audiobook - The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury, so that's something to look forward to...
My Uncle sent The Secret Daily Teachings by Rhonda Byrne for me... I think we're supposed to read one of the teachings daily, for the whole year. I'll probably just read it together. (I'm doing it for the Reading Challenge you guys :P )

Also got a couple books sorted into the categories for the Reading Challenge as well.

There still might be some hope that I could actually finish the challenges...

Till later lovelies!
oxox

Randomness and Apologies!

First off, so sorry for being MIA for so long my lovelies... I've been in a stormy mood and sick for a few weeks now... But I'm back feeling, well as better as I can... Then there's the exams looming in the near future...

I've been reading a little, not as much as I would like. So I'm thinking I'd post at least every alternate day to catch up.

Did you guys know there was a Scooby-Doo Team-Up series of comics?! I just got a bunch of them and I'm feeling all sorts of nostalgic for the good old days of watching cartoons and just lazing around.
I'll be starting on that after my current reads!

Speaking of, what are you guys reading? Any recommendations??

Also have you guys got your copy of The Sword of Summer yet?!?! GET IT!! Oh gods! Its going really well so far!

In other news, I totally spaced out to share a picture of the cake that I baked for mom on her birthday!
Here it is....  I think it turned out quite alright! ☺













I've also finally given in and joined Pinterest... Gods its addictive!

I tried out a couple of the DIYs.... Its been fun... Lemme know if you all would like to see the pictures or something! Will sort out the boards and put up links to all the accounts soon! And be more active ;)

Look out for a review tomorrow! Till then take care!
oxox

Update!

For some unknown reason I always title these posts as update.... I'm just not good at titles okay? :P

Anyway....
This week will be super busy. My cousin has come over and I'll probably be out all week....

I'm making decent progress on the Reading Challenges.. The other day I found some Scooby-Doo Team-Up Comics!!! *squeeeeeee*
So I'll probably catch up to the challenge real soon! ;)

I also got an audio book of The Invisible Man by Ray Bradbury. This will be my first audio book ever! I'll keep you guys updated...

I wanted to post another review for today... But I have no time!

I'm rushing out soon as I post this!

Stay Safe
Keep Reading!

Love you all!
oxox

World Photography Day!

In this digital age of Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Selfies, everyone takes pictures, if not everyday, we do take pictures regularly. Whether you are an armature, professional or just an enthusiast, today is your day! :D

And what better way to celebrate than this!! My mom gifted me a DSLR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here it is......

Welcome to the family baby!!! :D

(I have a habit of calling inanimate things my babies... I call my guitar, my digital P&S, my phone  etc as baby, but its like different tones for each one I guess? TMI? Too weird? :P )

THANK YOU MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've wanted a DSLR for YEARS now and finally here it is!!!!!!! YAY!!!! You guys I'm so excited!

I cannot wait to go on trips and capture better and more detailed pictures! I could blab for hours and scream and "woo" (did you guys get that reference? :P ) but I will not.. I shall keep that part off the blog and limited to my house.. Hahahaa xD

Anyway, today let's embrace our love for capturing moments, memories, smiles, and the good times.

Happy World Photography Day my lovelies!!

oxox

~TJ